well here i am again, doing a PET scan tomorrow and feeling all over the place about it. those nearest and dearest know the extent of my freaking out, but i just don’t think you can ever really be relaxed about these things…. if you took a stranger off the street or one of you dear readers and randomly said “i’m going to put you in a scanner to see if theres any cancer in your body. oh and you won’t know the answer for another 2 weeks after that”.., i imagined you’d be a tiny bit apprehensive! sadly i’m an all or nothing kinda gal and have jumped from “ok this is going to be fine, it’s all fine, everythings fine, chill out” to the dazzling depths of wondering if i should be buying books and cards to write my memories on for the boys.
i know. insane.
but i think it’s safe to say that an experience of cancer brings you face to face with your mortality in a very real, very scary, very earth shattering way. and knowing that we are apporoaching appointments which could be totally straightforward, but also potentially could bring your world crashing down about your ears all over again makes you feel very vulnerable.
but to be honest i’m going to have to learn to deal with it. i’m going to have to learn how not to freak out every time this happens, because if its good news, thats a LOT of energy wasted worrying. because worrying doesn’t make bad news any easier to take if you get it, it just ruins your day leading up to the bad news! and i don’t want to be robbed of my joy, time, love and happiness. i just don’t.
so the solution will be some slaps in the face with a wet fish. stern talks from friends and family to just reign it on in. and talks to myself, by myself to say snap out of it you silly cow. stop being such a loony.
so tomorrow, at 1115, please pray if you pray, and think nice thoughts if you don’t, and aim for a nice clean scan. nice easy appointment with results on 29th, and most of all that i don’t chew my own face off with hunger as am not allowed to eat pre scan!
thank you all for still being there! i hope you are all healthy, happy, and significantly less nutty than me…!
xxx
Rage against the lymphoma 
I will be thinking of you tomorrow my lovely, with lots of positive thoughts for good news. You are looking good in your photos, healthy and well. Best of luck and lots of love xx
We are on it xxxx
Sending you loads of positive vibes…..
Rach hope the scan went well today and the results are what we are all hoping and praying for. Your fear is totally understandable but it does get easier sweetheart as the months go on and you start trusting your body again. Thinking of you xx
Have been thinking of you today, hope the weather was kind for you so you did not feel too hungry. (Cold weather makes you want warm food/drinks!!), heres hoping the next 2 weeks will fly, with you feeling fine, and not worrying so much. Dont waste your precious time worrying. KEEP BUSY.
Enjoy JO and Noah, concentrate on them, they have been putting you first, now is the time for you to put them first, and enjoy life. Lots of love, xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx